It's starting to feel lonely in this big city. There's so many people and it's so impersonal. Self reliance is such a huge part of this journey. I'm sitting on my bathroom floor. I'm supposed to be doing homework which i forgot about until today. I'm having so much trouble organizing my priorities and it's starting to impact everything. There's so many places to put my energy, so many outlets and I feel like it's overwhelming. My attention span has shorted dramatically, you can even tell in the way I'm writing this. Slowing down is almost impossible, slowing down requires so much time. I'm losing the ability to keep my balance and be stable in my environment. Being immersed in my real life as well as a social network life is so taxing. The internet and I don't get along well and we get along too well, it's toxic. My excuse for a disgusting overuse of the internet is network and "playing the game the game to get anywhere." I'm already someplace, why can't I just be there, here. It makes me so sad. I deleted my flickr, facebook, twitter, tumblr, everything a while ago to free myself and I only came back more involved. I realized complete disconnection is not the answer, and again I'm realizing neither is being completely wired. I'm losing self control. I've conquered other demons involved overuse, I guess that's one of the reoccurring themes in my life, overuse, addiction, temptation, living a dichotomy. I can identify the darkness of it coming, I can feel it all over. It starts a cloud of something, something heavy and forms eventually and falls down on my life. My usual solution is drastic change. My environments facilitate drastic change. All of the times I've successfully (for the most part) defeated the enemy, it's been slow and difficult. Back and forth and everywhere in between. Always, it's always one or the other. Everything is in an infinite loop yet nothing is ever the same. I just have to remember that the cycle will eventually move back to a better place and come back to the low where I am now and I guess where I'm heading unless I change something. It's a universal law, it's just cause and effect, action and reaction, reality. That's where I need to be, in this reality, not in a virtual one. The virtual reality is an exaggerated reflection of the individual and the whole, how we perceive ourselves personally, our interactions and relationships with our world. I have this beautiful and terrible world around me that I need to face and acknowledge. I'm done being stuck. I'm done. I need freedom. I will have freedom.
I'm going to post pictures that I feel represent either glimpses of freedom or the opposite or just reflections.
This day was so lonely but it was beautiful. I sat a on big windy hill for an hour waiting for this shot.
Being in nature with love and friendship is something beyond words.
Again, experiencing the a wonder of our world under the warm sun with love can't be topped.
This was at Outside Lands. Music and nature.
We weren't supposed to be on this roof but throwing away the regard for restrictions can sometimes be the most freeing.
Sarah Bryant. I could write a book on the things I feel for her but simply put, she will always be one of the people who frees me from myself when I need it. She is a treasure of my life.
This was the night before I left for college. We celebrated our freedom that night.
This is literally and metaphorically a reflection. Everything around me was so new the only where I could look for a constant was myself.
I was so inspired this night. I was very inspired by Hiroshi Sugimoto. Inspiration is a catalyst for freedom.
Golden Gate park is a beautiful place when it's not filled with people.
I used to think everything was beautiful. I still think everything is beautiful, it's just clouded it seems.
I miss hiking. I miss just being able to wander.
I admire these ladies, they know freedom.
Wired. The opposite of freedom.
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